Change

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it.  The time will pass anyway.

My audience is purely imagined, so I guess I can talk about this here...

I'm not the fat girl anymore.

I mean, I am, but for the first time in my life, I'm not letting myself be the fat girl.

This is something I don't talk about, so, if for some reason you are a real person reading this, and you are a real person who knows me in real life, please reach out to me via email/text or any other sort of written communication. I am struck dumb when someone wants me to vocalize things about weight, working out, body image, etc., but writing is far easier.

After at least 20 years of struggling with my weight, I am making headway for the first time. Do I expect this to be easy? No. But, not much is easy. Am I bitter about people who can eat like I did and maintain a much smaller waistline? Incredibly.
But I wouldn't change my story.
This was my lot in life for a reason. Right now it sucks, and I anticipate it sucking for a long time, but that's okay.

A month ago I started a challenge where I worked out and drank Shakeology and did all of these challenges every day, and in doing it (and only feeling like I half-assed the whole month) I lost 12 pounds.
These were not my first 12 pounds ever, I was not at my high weight beforehand, but it was crazy what a month of eating like a healthy person did to me.

A while ago I came to this revelation that I'm done with this "fat girl" phase of life. It was actually New Year's Eve 2010, and that was when I was at my high weight.
I fluctuate between 20 and 40 pounds less than I was at that high weight, and that was over three years ago, but that was when I realized that I'm not going back.
And today is the day I decide to talk about it.

The thought of someone I know reading this sends me into a panic, but I need to write about this... This is one of the most important journeys I will ever take, and I need to share it.
I'm an introvert by nature, but I know that I need to share this extremely private part of my life with others... I don't know why, I just do.

So... That is the preface to my story.

And here is my before and after picture from the challenge.