lisps

There is something that is, to me, intriguing about lisps.
Not bad ones, when you can’t tell what the affected person is saying, or when the lisp is paired with the inability to say any word with the letter “R” in it.
I’m also not a fan of the “gay lisp”. You know, the forced, high tenor tone, paired with the egregious abuse of anything that could be misconstrued as “cute”.
I’m a fan of the completely oblivious lisp that somehow slips past the harsh ears of elementary school teachers into adulthood.

Sometimes I want to have a lisp, just for the day. Try it out.
Like those hair swatches that frame your face so you can see if you really want to go blonde.
In my mind, I think my day would go something like this:
“Hey, Mary, did you sthee that documentary about Canadian fish vendorth lastht night?”
“No... I didn’t, but did you per chance get a little more awesome over night?”
“Well, thort of... I’m trying out a lithp”

Unfortunately, I don’t have any friends named Mary, nor do I care about Canadian fish vendors. And I’m definitely not adventurous enough to try something that bold, and stupid, as to try out a lisp.

Intelligence, paired with a lisp is just... Neat.
Sort-of like the new internet fad, which is writing with impeccable grammar, yet avoiding the use of caps at all costs.
I find I am unable to do that. So, I stick with my snobbish caps.

AND SOMETIMES I WRITE LIKE THIS. BECAUSE I LIKE THE POWER IT GIVES ME INSIDE PEOPLES HEADS. YOU ARE NOW YELLING THIS INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD WITH MY VOICE, RIGHT?
I LIKE THAT.
But sadly, an unbelievable amount of people write in all caps, and totally abuse the power of yelling in other people’s heads. And when they do such, it is usually accompanied by very poor grammar and heinous misspellings.
So, I keep the caps to a minimum, trying to avert learned eyes from my grammar errors.
Because there are many.
Thankfully though, most college students are, to say the least, stupid. And for the most part they will never realize if I miss a punctuation mark or in an aloof moment, use the wrong form of the word “you’re”. Which I really hate doing. But, I find myself doing it more than I find socially acceptable (except that I have an insatiable urge to use write ‘you’re’ as opposed to ‘your’ at all times. Because I’m willing to bet that at LEAST 80% of people I know, do not even realize that ‘you’re’ is a word).